More than a friend is less than a lover

And all of a sudden you appeared again
With the intention to be a friend
And I forgot, and welcomed that and more
Cause this time, you seemed to nice to ignore

So we started to take it slow
Me longing for, to get to know,
The person behind that eager face
First impressions, yet to be replaced

And then you shared and shared
And I thought you really must care
Cause I felt bonded and so close
To your stories, your past, your soul

And what I got from all this
Is the craving for a good night kiss,
That was announced but never came
According to my pattern: I am to blame..

But all these songs I gave to you
Have you ever read their lyrics through
If you did, you would surely see
That caring is a part of me..

Thoughts kept me in our boat
Assumptions and desire made it float
Yet it never really arrived
Sinking to the ground,
of another wasted try

But don’t worry cause I don’t regret
The things I said that night in your bed
My heart pounding out of my chest,
Knowing I have lost you,
after giving my best

I may have touched only on a few places
And I may have left only a few traces
Yet enough, I think I discovered,

Wasn’t I more than a friend,
But less than a lover…?

Visualizing…

Right now I wanna see you
So I close my eyes and concentrate
And know you’ll be there soon
As always handsome, beautiful, delicate

You’re so perfect in this mind,
So caring, attentive, and loving,
So special, reliable and kind
So smart and wise, without saying a thing

You start kissing me, touching me,
caressing me, loving me..
I shiver, sigh and start to feel
Something so powerful, intense and yet so unreal

You’re my creation, a product of my mind
The ideal lover for these moments when I get blind
Lying in all my senses you keep building a vision,
Too bad that all you’ll remain is a made up fiction..

Living on the bridge (dedicated to Phoenix)

I feel like I’m living a double life
Playing two roles, showing two faces
Lost the sense of reality,
Not able to open my gates

Attitudes they change from day to day
Contradictions are leading my life,
Feel so insecure and full of doubt
Not able to see any light

They define me as selfish,
Because I need my space and time
They called me an outcast
Cause I still didn’t choose my side

Inside of me there’s a war
Mentality fights mentality
Days go by and I can’t stop thinking about
which one actually belongs to me ?

Had to bear your judgment,
which filled me with dread,
drained my motivation dry,
and did not let me win the war in my head

Too many thoughts, too many doubts
To many voices telling me I should quit
Resenting the traces that brought me here,
I realize.. it is hard to live on this bridge !

Someone’s father

Your body’s black and blue
He hit you, He hit you
Wish I was there to hit him back
Blow a fist in his face,
just like that

Mother stop covering your arms !
I know that you’re hiding his marks
You really think I didn’t see them,
How dare you say I’m just like him !

“Is dinner ready”, I hear him shout
You quickly get up,
and I can hear you heart pound
I wonder how you can neglect,
All these painful moments,
no one could forget

But you’ve decided,
and choose to ignore
All the times he called you a whore
All the times,
he blew his breath in your face,
Making sure he left his trace…

“Dinner’s ready” you gently say
The response of a wife,
who’s forced to obey
To the love of this man she calls her husband,
Not knowing that with him,
its love she abandons..

But now he'll see to what I am able
I grap the knife that’s on the table
Stick it in his arm, and watch it bleed

It was the last time he made my mother grieve…

My apology

“It wasn’t your fault, neither is it mine”,
“I’d have to search, in order to find”,
You told me “I’ll be fine”
Looked at me, then kissed me good-bye

So I went home and cried my desperate tears
Wishing I’d have killed you, then wishing you were here…
And see how pathetic and depressed I can get
Wouldn’t have made you proud though…seeing me going on like that

Tried my best to get rid of this non-reciprocal lover
Tried my best, but why would you have to bother…
Said you passed this scenario in your young and naïve years
Where all you could do, was cry those desperate tears…

And then it was my turn to reject you,
Finally did, what you knew I would do
Sadness and relief appearing at the same time,
Hoping that from now on,…I’m going to be fine

Not that I can make sense of the situation now,
Still can’t explain to anyone why and how?...
I ended up being madly in love with you
Chasing and following, without you really wanting me too

I remember you rolling your eyes,
And then commenting on my sighs,
Remember you trying so hard to be appropriate
Useless attempts though…cause I didn’t get rid of it

Didn’t get rid of the passion to love,
Or of the need to be loved,
And I feel that there’s only one thing left to do..
I apologize for having loved you